Friday, July 13, 2007


I feel weird putting this up, but the truth is that this is my blog and I get to speak out about things that disturb me here. So, a new general policy.

This particular part of my story is more personal than what is discussed at Master of Irony. Writing this list was one of the most freeing things I have done in the last year because when I realized I had taken 40 medications and all of those at varying doses I knew that I had tried. I have fought hard with meds and been through a lot.

Every treatment path is different. Some try even more meds than I. Some try one. But this page is about me.

I honestly didn't expect anyone to read this particular page. Instead it is very popular because it comes up with so many med searches.

So I will ask of you, please comment. But please try to do so in a way that does not lead to comparisons. "Your list is impressive but mine is worse" isn't helpful to me. I need to remain focused on my list showing that I have tried hard, because I struggle to believe that. I really love hearing stories about people who got better after being non-responders. Emilijie is a good example. Just please, I can't compete and don't want to compete in some pain olympics.

OK? (Sorry if this offended anyone; I wasn't going to post it but it keeps coming up and it bugs me)


Marie said...

I too have had a various number of medication cocktails since my bi-polar diagnosis in 2005. Nothing really seems to work for me.

I too have brewed some controversy over a recent post. It bothered me for a little while. I feel I write to heal if people have a problem it is theirs and theirs alone.

Facelessdoll said...

I'm so glad to have stumbled upon your blog. I have been on a variety of meds myself and can never seem to find the right one(s).

I don't have bi polar but I have Borderline and they have found mood stabilizers to be effective in treating that. I have taken many things on your list and I have refused to take a couple that are on there because I was so scared of side effects. I was told Effexor was the "wonder drug" and it didn't really work for me. I currently take Lithium (600mg/day) and Paxil (20mg/day) and it seems to be going pretty well. My mood is still extremely affected by my surroundings.

Anyways, I wanted to post and say it's really helpful to see another persons experience and I think you are a very strong person for not giving up. I know that it can be hard and that for me it sometimes seems pointless. We'll get it though! Thank you so much for sharing something so personal.

Taylor_John said...

I was doing a profile search using bipolar, depression as the search and your profile came up. What caught my eye was the coincidental question at the top of the page. Mine is the same. So I felt I had to take a further look.
I have bipolar 1 with mixed episodes and rapid cycling. I'm currently taking epilim and lamictal both with varying success of the two years I have been taking them.
I look forward to reading your journey and hope it all goes well for you. This is not an easy thing to live with and it's not an easy thing to manage when you have a partner involved too.